I’d like to share with you about "hope" and about a very loving God that will carry you through any storms you have to face.

In the Fall of 2001 I was going through one of the hardest times in my life. My brother and my Mother both were dying from terminal cancers, at the same time. My brother died first and my Mom died 5 weeks later. And a couple years before that my husband had battled lung cancer too. I had thought then that that was the toughest time I had ever had to go through. I was so scared and we didn't know what was going to happen. He had surgery to remove an entire lung and then he had radiation treatments. The Oncologist said that at the time of surgery that they found cancer cells in his lymph nodes and that the cancer could come back, anywhere, anytime. I couldn't imagine my life without Randy. Last year the check up at the cancer center showed no signs of cancer and He was released from the Oncologist.

In January of 1993 a very loving and merciful God intervened in my life and I ended up in a Alcohol and Drug Treatment Center, 500 miles form my home coming off the chemicals I had put in my body for 11 years. I had hit a bottom physically, mentally and spiritually. I had a hole in my soul that not the strongest of drug could fill.

The months right before that was a nightmare. I couldn't live and I couldn't die. The drugs the Doctors had put me on for a so called mental disorder that I didn't have added to the insanity and I had made several attempts to end my life. One day after Randy had went to work and the kids had left for school I took a full bottle of Tranzene, a high powered tranquilizer and I laid down on the couch to "go to sleep". Even though it was only 8:00 in the morning God sent a neighbor over to my house. She had said that "she felt led to stop", she had never been to my house before. I spent the next 2 days in ICU and then I went to a locked down facility where I was to visit several more times before the miracle happened.

I was in and out of mental hospitals and I didn't know what was wrong with me. The doctors just kept giving me more drugs and Randy didn't know what to do either and looking back I don't know what kept them from putting me away permanently. I have three ugly scars on my left arm where I took broken glass and tried to make the pain go away.

I spent almost three months in treatment and coming off the drugs was not easy. My body racked from withdrawal and I had to be restrained (tied) to the bed for three days and nights, I lost close to 50 pounds while I was there and that's been almost 11 years ago. And I'm not saying that the road to recovery was easy because it wasn't but God did for me what I could not do for myself.

I had grew up in an alcoholic home, the fifth of six kids and because of the bad scenes and reasons I do not fully understand I do not remember my childhood up until I'm about 13 years old. From information from a older sister I spent allot of time hiding in a closet.
So when I come home from treatment 11 years ago I had allot of baggage and I didn't really have the skills I needed to cope and once again God has done for me what I could not have done for myself. I have been able to let go of of the past and be free of all that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the last 11 years have not been easy but just like the Footprints poem, my God has carried me through some very difficult times When my Mother was sick Hospice helped me and allowed me to take care of her in my home until she died. On the day she died I was able to get in the bed with her and stay all day and sing and talk to her until the angel came and got her. And I have missed her so much, her and my brother. Mom and I were best friends, we did everything together, her and I were a team. I had never felt such pain when she died, but because I was clean and sober I got to have 10 years with my Mom with the last six of those her living near me. When my brother was dying in NC I got to go spend time with him.

I'm not proud of some of the things I've shared with you but I want you to know that there is hope. I share my story with you because I want you to know that the same loving God that helped me will help you.

Jesus knows how we feel when we are hurting, when He was on earth He went through allot of pain too.

And the way I see it is that I have a closer relationship with God for having gone through so many hard times. It was during all the difficult times that I see how much He loved me that He was there for me and He truly took care of me. It was during all the hard times that I seen his hand.

And why I cant understand, I have never did anything to deserve all that He has done for me. But I know He loves me because I really shouldn't be here.
God is so awesome! He will take care of you and give you what you need no matter how wild the storm!